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Thursday, September 16, 2021

Pr. Selly On Marriage

here’s an old line that goes, “It’s like saying you want to marry someone, but still date around.”

It was meant to lampoon the idea of saying you wanted to be committed to something, or join something, but then back off of the deal. Who would think of marrying someone, and then act as if it was okay to date? It was an easy point to get.

Not anymore.

In a new book by sociologist Catherine Hakim, excerpted in London’s Telegraph, she writes that it is time to redraw marital rules with a radical rethink on fidelity.

Read more: Marriage under fire

Before marriage most couples spend regular time engaging in fun, entertaining activity together.  In fact, that’s how they fall in love with each other.  Blended family couples tend to date each other without the children and engage in leisurely activities that facilitate emotional bonding.  But after the wedding, half of couples struggle to find enough leisure time together.  They are missing the fun-factor.

Ty and Andrea met on the tennis court.  Every Saturday for a couple months they secretly watched each other practice and play in an intramural country club league.  Finally, Ty asked Andrea to play a match and the rest was history.  Eventually they discovered a shared passion for lots of sports which became a central hub of their time together.  Once they married, however, the trick for Ty and Andrea—and lots of other couples—became maintaining their couple fun in the midst of their complex blended family.

Read more: Maximise your fun factor

Do you remember the day you said “I do”?  I remember my wedding day in 1999 very clearly.  My fiancé James and I had decided to have one of his favorite seminary professors marry us.  Ours was only his second wedding to officiate, but we didn’t care about his inexperience.

Just as I approached the door leading into the sanctuary, I was shocked to hear the sound of our professor’s voice, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to bring James and Arlene together in holy matrimony.”  The only problem was, I was still standing in the hall with all the bridesmaids.  Our professor mistook a break in the music as his cue to begin the ceremony.  He got all the way to that famous line, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”  There was complete silence.  Our friends and family didn’t know whether to laugh or be mortified.

At this, my aunt started playing the piano, bridesmaids went flying down the aisle, and finally I joined my own wedding in progress!  Although it was a rough start, the ceremony continued without a hitch.  My heart was full of love.  All I wanted to do was to make my husband’s dreams come true.  Chances are that’s what you were dreaming about on your wedding day too. You wanted to make that groom of yours a very happy man.

Read more: Do you have a happy Husband